That's not my name!
by GeorginoschkaVincen
Summary: And this is not his body (Or, how Izaya and Shizuo switched bodies)


I was (and still am) supposed to update my SuperWhoLock story, but I needed a little break from that fandom and decided to try something new instead.

This story came into my mind after drawing a bodyswap picture of Shizuo and Izaya (which can be found on Deviantart)  
Also, this is not my usual writing style. It's more like a ...doodle? I didn't have the energy to write a story with several chapters, so I put all the ideas into one chapter.

* * *

This is not funny.  
Not at all.

If he could he would punch a hole into the next best wall, but he can't.

He can't because this is not his body, because there is no superhuman strength to support his anger.

It is all the fault of Orihara Izaya.  
Oh, oh he is so going to strangle the man as soon as he's back inside his own body.  
_The insect is going to pay for this_, Heiwajima Shizuo thinks as he walks down one of the many busy roads of Ikebukuro, the slender hands inside the pockets of his trousers turning into fists.  
God damn, he is angry.

...

How did it happen?

That was a question Shizuo would ask himself over and over the next few days and weeks.  
How _could_ this even happen?  
It doesn't matter _how_ it happened, what matters is that it _happened_.

So, what happened?

Long story short; they have swapped bodies.  
Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo, both known for hating each other down to the bones, have swapped bodies.

...

They are fighting each other, as usual. Shizuo throws a vending machine without thinking twice, barely missing Izaya's head. The informant simply laughs at him and it makes Shizuo even angrier. But, that is what Izaya wants anyway. He always wants Shizuo to be angry, because that is how he entertains himself.

Izaya is a sick bastard in Shizuo's eyes, but in return he's only a monster in Izaya's.  
He unroots the next best traffic sign and throws it, but Izaya sees it coming and moves aside gracefully like a cat.  
He is still laughing.  
It really, really pisses Shizuo off.

The fighting continues. People are watching them, mobile phones in their hands. Shizuo knows that the fight will be uploaded to the Internet in no time, but he really doesn't care. He's too angry to care about it right now.

It goes on and on, and Izaya's laughter rings in his ears.  
What happens next is their heads colliding. It _does_ hurt, and for a moment all he sees is blackness.

Mere minutes later he slowly opens his eyes again and he knows,_ feels_, that something is wrong before he has fully opened them.

He looks at himself.

At first he's sure that the blow to his head must have been pretty bad, because he sees_ himself_ standing_ in front of himself_. Then he notices something, notices that his body is smaller than it used to be. Something is amiss, too...

It dawns, slowly, and his eyes widen in surprise.

The body in front of him returns the gaze with a wicked grin.

"No way!" He says, but it isn't his voice that speaks the words as his mouth moves, it's Izaya's voice.

"What's the matter, Shizu-chan?" Izaya purrs, a smug expression on his face, on Shizuo's face.

_I really am tall. _Shizuo thinks, before everything snaps.

He picks up the traffic sign, his adrenalin giving him enough strength to hold it upright with both hands, and yells at Izaya. "This is your fault!"

Because there are no coincidences, there never are, and all things lead to Izaya in the end.

God, he's so pissed!

He wants his body back.

First he doesn't notice that his strength is gone as well, it's a trait of his body not his mind, but he soon notices that the traffic sign in his hands grows heavy and his arms weaker.

Izaya laughs.

He laughs as Shizuo tries to hit him with the sign, he laughs as Shizuo tries to punch him with his fists.

He laughs as Shizuo stops, his face red with anger.

Shizuo hates him, hates hates hates hates him with a passion!

Izaya leaves him alone, runs off laughing while Shizuo tries to follow him, but Izaya is smart and knows how to use Shizuo's long legs and his strength. He is himself, even while being in control of Shizuo's body. Every step he takes is light-footed and it looks like he is dancing rather than running.

Shizuo is left alone in a back ally. Izaya has managed to escape his field of view.

The sun is going down already.

He feels wrong and clumsy in Izaya's small body, and he's so damn angry.

He is so angry that he punches the wall.

After that, he tries not to punch a wall again.

He shuffles through the streets, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed. It's funny, because usually he is tall enough to be noticed even if he tries to hide. Now he isn't noticed anymore.

Of course, people turn around or whisper as they see him, but it is not because he is a tall and brutal monster but because he is Izaya. Most people know of Izaya, the infamous informant, and they know that there will be trouble if he is in Ikebukuro. They also know that Shizuo won't be far off. That's why they try to look out for flying objects.

He feels sick, he is angry and his hand hurts.

Is angry at himself, too, because he should have followed Izaya, should have beaten the living daylight out of him. However, he knows very well that it wouldn't have been possible while being trapped inside Izaya's smaller body which doesn't posses any superhuman strength at all.

...

_What do you want here?  
_Celty's finger move fast as they write down the question. He can almost see the confusion on her not existing face.

"It's me." Shizuo says.

_?, _she writes back_._

He sighs and runs his not injured hand through his dark hair.

He hates that color.

"Uh...Me. Shizuo."

She hesitates, her fingers hovering over the touchpad of her phone. He knows that she has no reason to believe him. He wouldn't believe Izaya either.

_What?_ , she finally asks. _What are you trying to imply, Izaya? I am not falling for one of your tricks.  
_He is not sure if she is amused, annoyed or angry. It's really hard to tell of there is no face to read.

He sighs again.

"Look. I know this is weird, okay? But...something happened and we kinda...We kinda switched bodies."

He really wants to crush something.

Preferably Izaya.

She looks at him. She has no eyes but he feels her gaze upon him. It's always an odd feeling. Not creepy, but odd.

_This is not funny, _she writes.

"I know it isn't." He snapps back, because he is angry and frustrated. Who wouldn't be angry in a situation like this? "You see me laughing?"

She tilts her head - or rather, he helmet.

He is sure she doesn't believe him, and he doesn't blame her, because he wouldn't believe it either.

"Celty? Who's at the door? Is it the delivery service?" Shinra pokes his head around the corner, but he frowns as he sees Shizuo. "Oh, what are you doing here, Izaya?"

He winces as he hears the name. It's not his name.

"Well..." Shizuo begins, slowly, and he really tries to stay calm. "I am not Izaya..."

...

They do believe him, in the end. It takes much convincing and the whole story, but they do believe him.

What a relief, really.  
_This is Izaya's doing_, Celty writes down. Then she pauses. _Or aliens!_

Shizuo would laugh if he wasn't so frustrated.

"It's alright." Shinra smiles as he wraps a bandage around Shizuo's injured hand."We are going to find a way to get you back inside your own body."

He really, really hopes they do, because he doesn't want to stay inside this body forever.

...

At first he hopes it was a bad dream. It has to be a bad dream, right, because nothing like this could possibly happen in real life.

He goes to bed and lies there, his eyes closed, and listens to the noises of the street until he falls asleep.

He wakes up the next morning ready to go to work, and nothing has changed.

He is still Izaya.

Every time he looks into the mirror he sees Izaya's face, and it takes all his willpower not to smash the glass so he doesn't have to see Izaya's face every time he wakes up and goes into the bathroom.

...

They don't take him serious anymore.

His superhuman strength is gone and now his temper tantrums make him look like an angry child. He tries to wear his own clothes and he looks ridiculous because they are too big for him now.

He feels stupid, and he doesn't like it.  
Tom says it's alright, that he should take a few days off until everything is resolved.

He doesn't want to.  
He still has bills to pay for all the stuff he has destroyed during his angry outbursts. He needs the money and he feels guilty because Tom relies on him, but now he's of no use.

It is weird, really. Kind of funny. Because he doesn't like violence and he never liked his strength, but now that it's gone he doesn't know what to do without it.

The only good thing is that he doesn't break things anymore, that he _can't_ break them anymore. That means he doesn't have to worry about more bills and people complaining about the destruction of the city which he usually causes.

He's no monster anymore, instead he's trapped inside the body of a mad man.

It really is kind of funny, and he almost laughs.

...

He meets Izaya again, and it is no surprise that they meet in Ikebukuro.

His instincts scream at him, they are telling him to throw the next best heavy thing at the man who is responsible for this mess, but he is smart enough not to test his now limited strength.

Izaya grins at him and it doesn't look right on Shizuo's face. It looks too much like Izaya.

"Still angry, Shizu-Chan?"

It feels wrong because this is Shizuo's voice talking to him, his own body walking next to him.

He desperately wants to punch Izaya until he stops grinning, but he doesn't, because he can't.

Izaya's body is not weak, that's not it; the problem is that Shizuo's body is too strong and Izaya could easily stop Shizuo's attack. He could also easily break his bones, if he wanted to.

Although, he probably wouldn't. This is still Izaya's body. Shizuo doubts that the informant wants to hurt his own body.

Shizuo, on the other hand, would beat the shit out of the flea even if it means he has to take back his body with all the pain and broken bones.

But he can't, and so he won't.

He is not stupid, after all.

"Shut up." Is all he growls in return.

"It's weird, seeing your own body walking next to you, isn't it?" Izaya asks thoughtfully and he sounds so casual, as if he isn't bothered about the whole situation at all.

"It's your fault." Shizuo says, and he stares ahead. He doesn't want to see his own body in Izaya's clothes.

_You don't own it_, he thinks grimly.

It's a nice day, really. The sun shines and it his warm.

It could be a great day, but it isn't, not for Shizuo.

"Is it?" Izaya asks back. He's amused, it's easy to tell even if Shizuo doesn't look at him.

"_Everything_ is your fault." Shizuo answers with a snarl, and he really, really has to force himself to keep calm.

Izaya chuckles, his hands behind his head as he follows Shizuo. "Not this time."

He doesn't believe him.

They walk on. Izaya eyes him, almost as if to see what he will do next.

It annoys the shit out if Shizuo.

"Heh!" Izaya says as Shizuo pulls out a cigarette pack from the pocket of his vest. "What are you doing?!"

Shizuo doesn't answer, instead he takes out a cigarette and puts it into his mouth, his uninjured hand searching for the lighter.

"I don't smoke." Izaya informs him.

As if Shizuo cares.

"You do _now_." Shizuo can't hide the smirk and lights the cigarette.

The expression on Izaya's face is priceless, although it really is Shizuo's face. But it is Izaya who makes the face, and that's satisfying enough for now.

...

The next time they meet a week has passed and he almost doesn't recognize Izaya - or better, his own body.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" He roars, and drops the cigarette he is holding between two fingers.

Izaya smirks.

His hair, it's dark and short. Not as short as Izaya's, but shorter than it should be.

It's black.

He hates that hair color.

"I was bored." Izaya grins.

Shizuo knows very well that this was planned. It's revenge because Shizuo smokes even if Izaya doesn't.

Of course they end up fighting.

Izaya's laughter is his own and it rings in his ears hours later when he lies on his bed, his body hurting.

He didn't manage to hurt Izaya.

Ans he hates that fucking hair color.

...

He tells Celty about the hair when he meets her, how angry he is about it.

He loves his hair.

He started to dye it as a sign for a new start, told himself that he would change and become a new person without all the anger, a person with better self control,someone who has control over all that strength. He wanted to changed, really.

He didn't want to be that one strange guy in high school who was known for his bad temper.

Didn't helped, though.

In the end he was still a monster, blonde hair or not.

He continued dyeing it, anyway.

It looks better that way.

_We couldn't find anything_, She writes. She sounds apologetic, as if it is her fault that he is in this position. _Not yet. But don't worry, Shinra is trying! We will help you, you'll get your body back!_

Celty is sorry for him, she truly is.

She knows how he feels. She has lost her head a long time ago, and he can imagine that she feels obliged to help him. She has accepted the fact that she has to live without her head in order to live her current life with Shinra, but she won't accept the possibility of Shizuo never getting his body back.

_It feels horrible, doesn't it?_, she asks.

He nods, not looking at her but at his feet.

Yes. It does.

_I'll help you, Shizuo! I promise! We will get your body back!_

It's cute, really. But that's how Celty is. She's kind and worries too much.

"You don't have to worry about me..." He sighs, nervously fiddling with his sunglasses. "You have your own problems."

Really,he doesn't want to bother anyone, especially not Celty. It isn't her fault anyway...

_Don't worry_, she types. _That is what friends are there for, right?_

He is almost sure she smiles.

...

Days pass.

He still can't look into the mirror without wanting to punch the glass. He hates the person who looks back at him, because he always has the feeling that Izaya is somewhere_ there, _behind the mirror glass, laughing at him.

He doesn't like being laughed at.

People are still looking at him. They have a different reason now, though.

He tries to ignore them, but the rumor that Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo somehow switched bodies has quickly spread among the public. People tend to go out of his way now, because they fear he will rip them to pieces.

Little do they know that this isn't possible for him at the moment.

His clothes that fit him right now. They are his usual clothes but in a smaller size, and he actually feels good wearing them. He feels more like himself.

...

It's a day where he doesn't expect to see Izaya, but of course he does so anyway.

The informant doesn't waste any time, instead he grabs Shizuo by the collar of his shirt and yanks him upwards until their faces almost touch.

"It was fun seeing the world with your eyes-" he sneers, "- but I want my body back now."

There is no forewarning as Izaya gives him a headbutt, and both men groan in pain as Izaya lets him go again.

"What the fuck was that for!?" Shizuo rubs his forehead and glares at Izaya, who stares back at him. _Somehow_, Shizuo thinks, _he doesn't look satisfied_.

Izaya doesn't answer his question, instead he shakes his head. "It didn't work." He says, and sounds...surpirsed?

"What didn't work?" Shizuo snarls, and is about to punch Izaya in the face for shamelessly attacking him first, because _that_ will definitely work, but Izaya only stares at him.

"Changing back!" Izaya spats, as if it is Shizuo's fault.

He is angry, Shizuo realizes. He has never seen Izaya angry. Usually it's him who is angry and busy throwing things instead of talking big words. However, Izaya looks...he looks angry, there is no other way to say it. His brow is furrowed, his lips pressed together, and his eyes are small slits. It looks weird on Shizuo's face.

"You thought this would switch us back?" Shizuo asks, surprised. However, his surprise turns into confusion,and finally into anger. "Wait, wait, wait! Are you telling me you _knew_ how to change us back?"

Izaya throws his arms in the air. "God help me, this man is so stupid I am about to cry!"

Shizuo really wants to strangle him, but Izaya speaks up first. "I told you already, didn't I; it didn't work! I _think_ you can _see_ it!"

"That doesn't matter!" Shizuo snaps back. "The fact that you've_ thought _you knew how to change us back is enough to make me angry!"

Izaya ignores Shizuo's anger, instead he leans forward, his voice all serious. There is a dark shadow over his eyes, and it kind of look really creepy. "That doesn't matter! What matters is that we need to find a way to get our bodies back,or we are stuck like this forever!"

He laughs.

He laughs because this situation is so fucked up and unbelievable stupid.

And he laughs because being angry doesn't make anything better.

Maybe,though, crying would fit this situation better since there is a high possibility that he will never be inside his own body again.

But, really, the whole thing is just too surreal.

"Why are you laughing?!" Izaya hisses. He is outraged, doesn't understand why Shizuo is laughing.

_So, that's how it feels_, Shizuo thinks as he looks into the angry eyes of Izaya. _Laughing at others while they are upset_.

"This is your fault." Shizuo says dryly, after he has stopped laughing about Izaya's stupidity. "So find a damn way to fix it!"

"And this is _your_ body." Izaya replies, and pats his chest. "So, if you want to have it back you have to _do_ something to get it back."

Shizuo really, really wants to strangle him.

"So, what are we going to do?" He growls.

It turns out that Izaya has no idea at all.

...

It's night time. He is sure it is raining, he can hear the drops falling on to the roof one by one.

"So-" The man crouching in front of him says, a knife in one hand while the other is grabbing Shizuo by the collar of his now ruined shirt. "Have you made up your mind?"

This is all Izaya's fault.

He was walking home, just the usual route, and then those assholes came along and kidnapped him.

Of course he tried to fight them, but he is still trapped inside this useless body, so they easily managed to overpower him.

Maybe he should have taken a knife with him, just like Izaya usually does.

"I'll tell you once more-" Shizuo spats, his hands pressed into fists. They are bound together behind his back, his hands, and he can't use them. What a shame. "-I am not Orihara Izaya!"

He gets slapped, hard, and his head is thrown to the side. He is bleeding, which explains the pain,and he is sure he'll have a bruise or two tomorrow.

"Stop fucking with us!" A bald guy says. He has a baseball bat in both hands and looks ready to use it. "We made a deal and you didn't show up! We want our money back!"

There are several guys, even two girls, all standing there, watching him out of the dark shadows of the old warehouse. They look like animals, ready to attack their prey.

Ah, so, that's the problem.

"I don't have your mo-"

He doesn't get to end the sentence, instead he gets a fist rammed into his stomach and all air leaves him as he gasps in pain.

He is thrown to the floor, a foot on his chest.

"When I am finished with you-" the man says, slowly, and he smiles dangerously. "-you'll beg for mercy. You'll throw the money at us so we will leave you alone."

Shizuo can't help but laugh breathlessly, even if this situation isn't funny at all.

"Try me."

He doesn't remember much of what happens next, but it hurts.

...

"Shizu-chan! Hey, Shizu-chan!"

Slowly, he opens his eyes and it takes him a few minutes to recognize the face he sees in front of his own.

It's his own face.

Well,it is Izaya's face now, but it belongs to Shizuo anyways.

"Zya.." He mumbles, and his head hurts. Actually, everything hurts, and he wants to go back to sleep, so he closes his eyes. Izaya doesn't let him sleep, though. Of course he doesn't.

"You look like shit." Izaya remarks with a smirk as he works to open the handcuffs. Maybe he tries to sound funny or witty, but Shizuo is sure he hears something close to...concern in Izaya's voice?

No, no, Izaya is never concerned about anything, expect for his own health maybe.

"M' goin' t' kll ya..." Is Shizuo's answer, but it doesn't really sound like a threat, not when he sounds breathless and as if he is about to collapse again.

"I know, I know." Izaya grins as he helps Shizuo to his feet, one arm around Shizuo's waist, the other holding his arm that is slung around his shoulders. He looks as if he is having fun. "But we have to get out of here first."

They take a few steps and Shizuo winces. "Stp, yur crushin' me." Because Izaya's grip is far too strong.

The informant raises his eyebrows, then he looks away, almost ashamed.

_Nah_, Shizuo thinks groggily, _nah, Izaya isn't ashamed of anything ever_.

"I am not used to your strength." Izaya admits as they walk side by side. Shizuo isn't really walking, though, he's leaning on Izaya while trying not to faint. It takes far too much time for them to move forward, and if they continue walking like this they will be caught for sure."I've had problems with it all along." Izaya laughs silently."I managed to break all the glasses I own by simply holding them in my hand. I never thought having this power would cause problems like this."

Now it is Shizuo's turn to smile. "Yeah..."

They don't manage to leave the place without being noticed.

It's no surprise, though, really. They must have been waiting for them. It's a miracle that Izaya even managed to enter the old building without being shoot on the spot.

The gang walks up to them, surrounding them, with guns and knifes in their hands.

And they look pissed, really pissed.

"Damn." Izaya sighs. "And here I've thought we would have time to escape before switching back."

Shizuo is about to ask what Izaya means by that, but then Izaya leans towards him.

It's not another headbutt, instead it's a kiss.

Shizuo has no time to process what just happened because suddenly his world spins, then he's pain-free.

He staggers back, not used to his own body. Izaya groans quietly, and yes, of course, he's the one in pain now.

"That's gross!" A man yells, and the others jeer in agreement. "Let's beat the shit out of those freaks!" Another yells.

"I want my money back!" Another joins in.

Shizuo growls, then he turns his head to Izaya, who only grins at him. Izaya was right, he really looks like shit, and now he sees the blood on the white shirt and the swollen eye.

"You look like shit." Shizuo grins back, and Izaya sighs deeply. "Shut up." He manages to say, and it sounds so much like Izaya. "Now, _go and get' em, tiger_~."

Shizuo grins.

Of course. Izaya wasn't able to control Shizuo's strength, he wouldn't have been able to defend them against these crazy fuckers. But, now that Shizuo has his body back...

He is careful as he lets Izaya down to the floor, where the informant stays without moving much.

Why is he trying to be careful? It's clearly Izaya's fault that they are in this situation. Shizuo shouldn't care about him, but somehow he does.

Maybe it is because he doesn't want either of them to die here.

"Stay here." Shizuo orders, but really, Izaya can't do more than breathe and talk right now. Walking is an impossible task for him. He won't move.

"Don't worry." Izaya breathes, and he talks to himself rather than to Shizuo. "I'll wait."

Shizuo almost laughs.

"I'm going to crush all of you!" He then growls with a grin as he turns to face their attackers, and ah, it feels good to be back in his body.

They look at him without fear in their eyes, because maybe they don't recognize him without his messy blonde hair and the bartender uniform, but it doesn't matter to Shizuo. He's going to hurt them anways.

But, really, he doesn't like violence. Not at all.

...

He opens his eyes, blinks a few times.

He doesn't know where he is. The ceiling is white, the walls too.

This is not his bed.

He tries to move, but his body hurts and doesn't respond to his attempts to move.

Breathing, he realizes, is really difficult.

_What the hell has happened?_

"You don't look so good."

He manages to turn his head to the side and is confronted with Izaya's face. The informant sits next to his bed, wearing hospital clothing and a few bandages.

So, they are in a hospital?

Ah,yes, he sees the IV bag now.

He hates hospitals, maybe because he spent most of his childhood in those damn white rooms.

But, wait...

He narrows his eyes, looks at Izaya again.

He has his body back!

How...

_Ah, right, there has been a fight and..._

"You got shot." Izaya informs him as he watches Shizuo. He has his hands folded underneath his chin while his elbows are on his tights, and he looks so casual even while he is covered in bandages.

Arrogant, yes, Izaya looks as arrogant as always while he smirks down at Shizuo.

Oh,and...he remembers now.

"Did I-" He begins, but talking is difficult and takes too much effort.

"Did you beat the living daylight out of them?" Izaya asks, and begins to grin._ Wait_, Shizuo squints, _has he lost a tooth?_

"You did. It was amazing, really. I haven't seen you angry like this for quite a while. I really should have filmed it, but I was too busy bleeding out."

"Your face..." Shizuo points out. It is full of bruises.

"Yeah, I know." Izaya sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes."I look pretty bad thanks to you." He points at the tooth gap. "Even lost a tooth."

Shizuo opens his mouth, he wants to clarify that this is solely Izaya's fault, but Izaya hushes him before he can say a word. "You are about to tell me that this is my fault, right, Shizu-chan?Well, you are right. I am sorry. My fault."

Shizuo blinks, surprised that Izaya accepts the fact that this mess is his fault. This doesn't seem like Izaya, not at all.

"Oh, come on!" Izaya raises his hands. He almost looks offended."I am human being! I make mistakes too, you know?" He pauses, his index-finger on his lips. "Hmmm, although I am really good at not making mistakes, don't you think?"

Shizuo only glares at him. What is there to say,anyway? He knows that this was planned all along, and Izaya can say whatever he wants about this topic, Shizuo won't believe him.

There are no coincidences, not for Izaya, because he has always planned everything all along.

_He's the Puppeteer_, Shizuo thinks as he watches Izaya, _and we can't escape his strings_.

It's almost scary, if you think about it. This one man was able to manipulate a whole city, and he continues using those people to please himself.

Really,it is sick.

Maybe that is why Shizuo hates him so much, because he manipulates people without caring about them. He likes to watch them suffer, that's what he loves about humans.

"I have to go now." Izaya says suddenly and stands up. He turns around. "See you later."

Shizuo is sure that he grins.

...

Izaya never explains how it was possible for them to switch bodies.

He also never says something about the kiss.

Shizuo doesn't ask.

It's not because he doesn't care, it's because...not knowing isn't that bad.

In fact, it feels right.

They continue where they left, and everything is as it always has been.

Or, maybe it isn't, Shizuo isn't sure.

Something is different, though, and it's not just his hair.

Maybe it's the way they see each other now.

Maybe the way they treat each other, with some kind of hidden respect.

He doesn't know.

He knows, though, that he still hates Izaya.

At least that is what he tries to tell himself.


End file.
